Stan: Whoa! Mr. Hat and Mr. Mackey are fighting.
Mr. Mackey: I'm gonna kick your ass. M'kay?
(children cheering)
Ms. Crabtree: BE QUIET BACK THERE!
(children settle down)
Mr. Mackey: You may have won this time Mr. Hat.

• Permalink: Whoa! Mr. Hat and Mr. Mackey are fighting. I'm gonna kick your...
• Added: February 20, 2010

Oh my God! I crapped my pants!

<i>Cartman plays the "brown noise."</i> Guy Working

• Permalink: Cartman plays the brown noise. Oh my God! I crapped my pants!
• Added: February 20, 2010

(To his father) Sure, you can go out and screw every whore on Rhode Island, but when it came to your own son, you were just TOO BUSY! (Mr.Garrison runs away crying)

Mr.Garrison

• Permalink: Sure, you can go out and screw every whore on Rhode Island, but ...
• Added: February 20, 2010

Mr. Garrison: Goddammit, I don't think you children have been working on your fingering!
Cartman: That's not true, Mr. Garrison. Kyle's been working on his fingering with his mom all night long.
(Kenny laughs)
Kyle: Shut up, fatass!
Cartman: No seriously, Kyle's mom said Kyle getting good at fingering.
(Kenny laughs harder and falls out of his chair)
Mr. Garrison: Shut up, Eric!

• Permalink: Goddammit, I don't think you children have been working on your ...
• Added: February 20, 2010

Am I the only sane person left on earth?!

</i> Mr. Garrison's Father

• Permalink: Am I the only sane person left on earth?!
• Added: February 20, 2010

"Welcome to ARKANSAS. Yes. We are a state." - Sign at Arkansas boarder

• Permalink: Welcome to ARKANSAS. Yes. We are a state. - Sign at Arkansas boa...
• Added: February 20, 2010

Mr. Mackey: M'kay Mr. Hat, you need to let me talk to Mr. Garrison. M'kay?
Mr. Garrison: (as Mr. Hat) Why would he wanna talk to a second rate, dopey assed, elementary school psychologist!?
Mr. Mackey: What did you say?!
Mr. Garrison: (as Mr. Hat) You heard me, jackass! There's monkeys that make better counselors than you!

• Permalink: M'kay Mr. Hat, you need to let me talk to Mr. Garrison. M'kay? ...
• Added: February 20, 2010

Mr. Mackey: Garrison, I know this is very difficult, m'kay, but I must ask. Is there a history of sexual abuse in your family?
Mr. Garrison: Some, yes. There was my Uncle Richard. Hehe molested me.
Mr. Mackey: When was that?
Mr. Garrison: Saturday. Lastlast Saturday.

• Permalink: Garrison, I know this is very difficult, m'kay, but I must ask. ...
• Added: February 20, 2010

Mr. Mackey: M'kay. That sounded great kids.
Mr. Garrison: Sure, if you like the sound of a peacock getting its neck broken.

• Permalink: M'kay. That sounded great kids. Sure, if you like the sound of...
• Added: February 20, 2010

Mr. Garrison Sr.: God Dammit! I'm not going to molest you!
Mr. Garrison: YOU DON'T LOVE ME! (Mr. Garrisons cries as he rushes up the stairs)

• Permalink: God Dammit! I'm not going to molest you! YOU DON'T LOVE ME!
• Added: February 20, 2010

What's Arkansas? Is that a state?

Stan

• Permalink: What's Arkansas? Is that a state?
• Added: February 20, 2010

Mr. Garrison Sr.: What? I never sexually abused you!
Mr. Garrison: I know! I want to know why not!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: WHAT!?
Mr. Garrison: Was it because I was ugly?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Oh my God!
Mr. Garrison: It was because I wasn't good enough wasn't it?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: I...no!

• Permalink: What? I never sexually abused you! I know! I want to know why ...
• Added: February 20, 2010