Ben: You could have texted me, you know, and let me know you were coming.
Barbara: Well, I didn’t want to give you a head start.

He’s a good guy. It’s just the way I see things is changing, and I don’t know if he’s willing to change with me.


Becky, stop. If you don’t go back to rehab, you’re not just screwing up your own life. You’re screwing up Beverly Rose’s. I had to grow up with an alcoholic father. I never brought friends around because he would always embarrass me, and when he went out at night, I used to pray that he wouldn’t die in a car crash. And then, when things got really bad, I prayed that he would. So, you really want to put Beverly Rose through that?


Becky: What if I can’t do what they’re asking me to do?
Dan: Oh, you’re as stubborn as I am, but you’re also as tough as I am. You need to go back there and just get this done. If you don’t try, you know where this goes.

Barbara: I didn’t mean to upset her.
Dan: Well, you’ve got to be careful around the insane.

Jeff: You know, we’re all carbon-based beings. If you added any more pressure, you could turn into a diamond. I learned that in Superman comics.
Darlene: I hadn’t pegged you as a reader.

Well, Jeff, welcome to Wellman Plastics. Congratulations on being late your first day.


In this family, you can bat a pretty good average by assuming the worst.


[to Beverly Rose] Okay, it’s official. Between taxes and bills, by the time I save enough money to go to school, you and I will be starting college together.


Dan: I thought I was done picking you kids up after you’d done something stupid.
Darlene: You told me that you would give me a ride any time and that you wouldn’t judge me.
Dan: You were 14! That offer expires after you’ve had your second kid.

You and your sister better get your crap together. This night could have ended a lot differently with the baby in the hospital and your car wrapped around a tree.


[to Becky] You know I felt alone all day, and then I sit here, and I talk to you, and I realize how much better that was.


The Conners Quotes

Mark: It's been three weeks since Grannie Rosie's funeral, why are people still giving us casseroles?
Harris: And why do people bring casseroles when somebody dies?

Jackie: What was this, tuna casserole or potato salad?
Darlene: It doesn't matter. It's just stuff and mayonnaise.