Hey, you want to play laser tag, let’s go out in the yard, and I’ll chase you around with a flashlight.

Dan

Becky: Hey, what’s all this for?
Ben: I am doing a podcast about the top two things Americans are most obsessed with.
Becky: Let me guess, sex and money, and football. Ah, and pizza, and squirrels who sit on little picnic benches and eat tiny food. Sex and squirrels, final answer.

You’ve never had the chance to buy my love before, but now, you can.

Harris

Get right with your maker, Folks. It’s clearly the end of days.

Darlene

Becky: Congratulations! You may be surprised to hear this, but I’m a little bummed. We’ve been having fun working together.
Darlene: I’m still going to be on the floor, but now I can make your life miserable if you displease me.
Becky: Right, and as Union Steward, one misstep on your part, and I can shut down the factory.
Darlene: See, this is going to be fun for everybody.

Becky: You're great at pretty much everything, You're amazing. But, you know the male ego; you gotta tell them what they wanna hear, and they'll do whatever you want!
Ben: [Smiling] I know. Some guys, right?

Josh has a different girl for every cause, alright? So this is about class struggle, so you're the poor white girl that gives him street cred.

Darlene

He isn't a psychopath, he's rich!

Jackie

Interesting. Because if you start breaking into banks, I think the police will enjoy the opportunity to debate your political beliefs with repeated nightsticks to the head.

Dan

Josh: Oh you may want to fix your water pressure by the way. It's somewhere in between a trickle and a leak.
Jackie: So we're to take from that that, at your house, you have great water pressure? Good to know.

Darlene: Do you know anything about this Josh guy that Harris brought home?
Mark: I've seen him on her Instagram. She was spray-painting something on a buiconnerslding and he was holding her cans.
Darlene: I love you 'cuz you don't know what that means.

Ben: Love you, Mom.
Barb: Thank you. We don't say it enough.

The Conners Quotes

Mark: It's been three weeks since Grannie Rosie's funeral, why are people still giving us casseroles?
Harris: And why do people bring casseroles when somebody dies?

Jackie: What was this, tuna casserole or potato salad?
Darlene: It doesn't matter. It's just stuff and mayonnaise.