Think of me as a sister! A sister ... that you ... had a baby with!

Becky

Sometimes the truth only makes things harder. You remember how devastated I was when I found out my mother was, you know, actually my real mother.

Jackie

Darlene, while you're in there, try and talk him out of the beard -- it makes him look like a Bolshevik.

Barb

You remind me of somebody. If you told me I'll never amount to anything, it would be downright eerie.

Jackie

I'm so sorry for your loss. Or, if you're relieved, I'm happy for your freedom -- I've seen both.

Jackie

I think Mommy's finally into Daddy. [Baby noises.] I know, when I heard it, I almost pooped myself too!

Emilio

Becky: Is that blonde boy Henry, the one you think is cute?
Mark: Thanks for that. I wasn't muted, so I guess the next move is Henry's!

Dan: You think I’m not ashamed that I have to ask you. I hate that I have to ask you.
Darlene: Dad, you do not need to apologize.
Dan: Yes, I do. I get why you’re angry. I’m angry too. You want to know why I’m angry? Cause your grandmother told me to buy life insurance and I didn’t. If I had I could just throw my broke ass off a damn roof and you wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

I know it sucks but poor people can’t afford to quit their jobs to make things better.

Darlene

I’ve fought my battles. It’s taken a long journey to get this freakin’ happy and it’s not worth going back.

Robin

It’s not worth the PTSD. That happens a lot in our community. Movies like Ace Ventura where all the men vomit because they find out the woman is trans doesn’t make you want to share stuff.

Robin

No rush but could you write me a check for the rent while I stand here and stare at you?

Dan

The Conners Quotes

Mark: It's been three weeks since Grannie Rosie's funeral, why are people still giving us casseroles?
Harris: And why do people bring casseroles when somebody dies?

Jackie: What was this, tuna casserole or potato salad?
Darlene: It doesn't matter. It's just stuff and mayonnaise.