Deb: Think about it, every woman he ever meets he has to wonder if she only likes him because he's famous.
Stewart: Oh that's not true, I'm sure a lot of women like him because he's absurdly handsome and rich.

Dean: In this house we never give up because defeat is a temporary condition.
Gale: And giving up is what makes it permanent.

Stewart: So you just chose to phrase that in the most misleading way possible.
Dean: The most dramatic way possible.

Dean: These women don't want to make love to me, they want to have a filthy one night stand with the Grinder so they can tell their friends about it.
Stewart: What a nightmare that must be for you.

Dean: You can find pretty much anything if you dig deep enough, and it was you who made me realize I like to dig deep.
Claire: Oh, gross.

Stewart: How'd you get a tux so fast, you keep one in your car?
Dean: Yeah.

Dean: I'm taking your advice. I'm going to talk to Claire about work and I'm going to let the fact that she's falling in love with me be the subtext.
Stewart: Why don't you just work on the case and then let the subtext be that you're working on the case.
Dean: Deb, explain it to him. He's not getting it.

Deb: Who's Claire?
Stewart: She's a new attorney I hired. She has no interest in him and he's never seen anything like it.
Dean: Well it's kind of incredible.

Stewart: Can we please not use episodes of The Grinder to teach life lessons to my kids?
Dean: I'm sorry, would you rather him learn it on the streets?
Stewart: I think there are more than those two options for him, but if you're making me choose now, I would say, the streets. The streets by a mile.

Todd: There's one more confession you need to hear. It's also gonna shock a lot of people probably. I was the mole.
Stewart: Todd, literally every person in this room knows that.

Stewart: Dean, Claire is not a mole.
Dean: Okay hear me out, she's a new hire, she worked for the other side, she refuses to sleep with me.
Stewart: Goodnight Dean.
Dean: It adds up! It adds way up!

Nice try big fella, but after what the DVR did to the traditional ratings model I don't touch the damn things.


The Grinder Quotes

Dean: Let's say you're in a restaurant and Noah Wyle is two tables down. You go into cardiac arrest, you don't think Noah Wyle could step in and help?
Stewart: Yes he could help, by calling a doctor, because he is an actor.

Stewart: So you're gonna go to law school?
Dean: I don't think I need that, with the show and all.
Stewart: Oh sure, acting on a TV show is the equivalent of going to law school, so why would you need that?