The Magicians Quotes
Lipson: Here she is baby Eleanor.
Julia: I don’t remember naming her Eleanor.
Penny: That’s ‘cuz we didn’t.
Lipson: People name their kid after their doctor all the time. It’s a thing that happens.
Alice: Why did you put it there? What if I ignored it?
Santa: But you didn’t. You needed something to get back in the game. You weren’t gonna pass on a mystery you thought your guy was working on. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Alice: It really sucks.
Santa: Well, now you know. That page and wherever that quest took you it wasn’t his story; it was yours Alice. For what it’s worth, I think he’d been really proud of you, the way you keep on fighting. I told you. I told you were good.
Alice: I still don’t know if that’s true.
Santa: Hey, this is how it works: You do your best, you fuck up, you get hurt, people die. Except for the odd microplane, jack shit gets wrapped up in a bow.
Alice: You know you’re a real ray of sunshine Santa.
Santa: Ho ho ho.
Josh: Sorry I was really stoned the last time I did this but time to discuss your shortcut. Margo?
Margo: Yeah there isn’t one. What do you want me to say? Somebody had to egg up and do this, and I am Margo the Destroyer.
Eliot: I didn’t name you that just so you…
Margo: Could get destroyed while destroying.
Margo: Yeah, I’m not wild about it either, but this thing’s gotta get done, so…
Eliot: We’ll all go.
Josh: Yes, we’ll all go.
Margo: Stop. If I learned one thing from Quentin – one – is sometimes you sacrifice for those you love. I’m doing this so you two can live, so don’t you dare follow me.
Fen: Way easier to get in than out.
Zelda: Like so many things in life.
Seb: I survived the war, losing Lance, my family torn apart by a monster who said he would take care of my brother, and I thought one thing, I just want to use magic for one thing I want.
Eliot: You knew better.
Seb: I had to try. You couldn’t understand that.
Eliot: But I do understand. I always did.
Seb: Eliot what was the plan before I…
Eliot: My friends are here. They’re rapturing everyone so we can destroy this planet – that we love by the way, but we have to – to destroy you. You let us no choice Seb.
Seb: It could still work. I could cut up the door to the underworld to stop Martin from bringing anymore dead through. Don’t try to cast. You’ll hurt yourself.
Eliot: It’s not like the zombies are coming.
Seb: Go, find your friends. I can hold off the dead. It’s not like they can kill me.
Eliot: No, they can rip you to shreds, and then we kill you anyway.
Seb: Eliot, go.
Eliot: Do you not get that I don’t want you to die. You’re not evil, you’re just…just some deluded asshole that I care about.
Penny: I know I told you you shouldn’t do it, but I will protect you, OK, somehow. I know a way to get to Jane Chatwin. She’ll help us, and you can go back to before.
Penny: You can go back and stop Julia from dying, please.
Plum: We can’t.
Penny: Why the fuck not?
Plum: Because we already did.
Fen: This definitely isn’t Fillory.
Alice: But it’s not not Fillory. It kinda smells the same way.
Margo: The opium made it. That’s a plus.
Josh: I passed a field of bacon – crispy. Is that a Fillory thing?
Alice: More of a me thing.
Josh: Well, the arm is breathable, food galore, no predators in the vicinity. Is it time? No?
Alice: If we let them out we have to tell them we’re utterly lost, no idea where are, and not a bunny in sight to get a message to our friends.
Fen: And they’ll be homesick and scared and cranky and hungry.
Margo: We’ll have to build infrastructure from scratch.
Fen: So, who wants to do the honors?
Margo: You carried the whole world in your cooch. You earned it.
Fen: Thanks for saying that, but new Fillory needs a leader, and as its literal birth mother I feel I get to say I hereby dub thee, High King Margo the Creator.
Margo: Fine, make a meal out of it. You guys know our lives about to get even weirder in some insane way we can’t possibly predict.
Josh: I find that somehow perversely comforting.
Alice: So do I, and that’s how I know it’s our story.
Eliot: Charlton, you look like you.
Charlton: I also feel like me. If you touch me but also inside. It’s nice.
Eliot: Well this is weird.
Charlton: Good weird. I have an awkward question. I often ask myself what you’d say and the answer is, ‘Of course not. Don’t be stupid, Charlton. Eliot isn’t the kind of guy…
Eliot: Charlton, ask.
Charlton: I wonder whether you could ever be romantically inclined toward someone like me.
Eliot: Uh, a thousand-year-old Fillorian in a pervert ghost’s body wearing a transfiguration amulet?
Charlton: A man who knows you well, is emotionally available, and plans to stick around.
Eliot: Well shit, Charlton.
Charlton: Are we going somewhere?
Eliot: Upstairs, to explore this further.
Santa: Oh hey, Alice.
Alice: Did I sleep until December?
Santa: I couldn’t resist giving out a few more gifts while I’m here. Given your quest-heavy lifestyle, there’s no guarantee any of you will live to see Christmas. Sit, have a cookie.
Zelda: This room is warded but not for long. That way a portal will take you to Brakeblls. Go. Alice, when you recover the seed…
Alice: I only have one good hand we need you. I can’t…
Zelda: There’s something master magicians know: You can never fully control external circumstances -- they may even be actively hostile -- but you can control the ones inside you. And one hand is plenty. I’ve always known you’ll get there.
Alice: But today?
Zelda: Try, OK. Just try. Go now, hurry.
Alice: Come with us.
Zelda: I can’t. I’m going to have to initiate permafrost. It’ll stop the dead from using the fountains to get to other worlds. Once I initiate, every portal will close within minutes.
Alice: We can’t just leave you here.
Zelda: For a Librarian, death isn’t the end. It is merely a transfer to another branch. Go.
Alice: Wait Zelda. Thank you, for everything.
Eliot: Charlton, in Hyman-esque form.
Charlton: Here you are in your happy place but you don’t seem happy.
Eliot: I thought being here and teaching would help, but it hasn’t. I miss them. I feel lost and alone without them. Margo, all of them. I even miss Fillory. Do you think… there’s no way Seb survived.
Charlton: Probably not. Fillory’s gone but maybe it’s better now. Maybe now he’s somewhere with someone who loves him. You’re not alone, you now, Eliot. Oh gods, I am still not used to how strong alcohol is.
Eliot: Keep drinking. It’ll come.
Eliot: Listen, I have a man in my head. He’s looking for a body and you have one that you don’t even really want.
Margo: Jesus, no way he goes for this. You’re an idiot Charlton.
Hyman: He wants to take this, and I would what, stay in astral forever?
Eliot: Well you could or you could…
Hyman: Empathically yes. Oh my god on one condition.
Hyman: Your head pal has to do weird things with my body. Sex things.
Hyman: What’s his name?
Hyman: No act too depraved Charlton. I’ll be watching whether you like it or not.
Eliot: What have we done?