The Office Season 3 Episode 8: "Branch Closing" Quotes
Michael: [waiting outside CFO's house] What are we still doing here? It's over. Let's go home, get the car. Ohhh, this was such a stupid idea. This was so stupid. [cries] I'm such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody's jobs. Nobody likes me anymore!
Dwight: [checks his phone] OH MY GOD!
Michael: What?
Dwight: Stamford is closed! Michael, we're not closed! Stamford is closed!
Michael: Stamford is closed?! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! How did we do it?
Dwight: I don't... have no idea.
Michael: I don't understand.
Toby: Michael, uh, we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made.
Michael: You knew about this all along, didn't you?
Toby: Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you.
Michael: Traitor. You are a traitor.
I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael would sell the building for some magic beans.
Jim
If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself, like Romeo and Juliet... the Claire Danes one.
Kelly
I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.
Angela
Jim: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."
Um, listen up everybody, I have some news... We are screwed. Dunder Mifflin Scranton is being shut down.
Michael
It is an outrage, that's all. They're making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well they don't. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place. Ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
Michael
Jan: Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company's future.
Michael: Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe?
Jan: A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch, and the rest will be getting severance packages.
Michael: Am I a small number person or a severance package person?
Jan: Well, we haven't made final decisions about personnel yet... but you're a severance package person.
Jan: I am here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch.
Michael: I don't understand.
Jan: The board voted last night to close your branch.
Michael: On whose authority?
Jan: The board's.
When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael's book is.. "Something Weird Is Going On... colon... What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story... by Michael Scott. With Dwight Schrute."
Dwight