Enzo: You don't need pain to keep our connection alive. You are a witch, after all.
Bonnie: A witch who can't do magic.

I know this is a lot for you, Matty, but I miss my family. Don't worry, I won't get all weepy before the drinks arrive.

Kelly

Hi, I'm Katherine, the bitch that will destroy your lives for all eternity.

Damon

Caroline and Bonnie are probably already rehearsing. You don't want to seem unprepared.

Damon

Alright professor, how do we get rid of the Queen of Hell?

Damon

Hey, are you part of my Uber pool?

Uber customer

Damon: It's suicide, Stefan, and if you screw this up, we don't know what he'll do to Elena.
Stefan: I'm sorry Damon, but I have to do this.
Damon: I'm sorry, too, but I can't let anything happen to her, or you.

Enzo: Are you happy?
Bonnie: Right now? Yes, perfectly.
Enzo: Then why not forgive Stefan?
Bonnie: Do you really have to ask?

Damon: Sorry, Blondie, probably best if you don't know.
Caroline: Great, another Salvatore brother freezing me out.

Sorry, this place had the nearest holding cell.

Damon

Kai: Anything else?
Stefan: Damon.
Kai: Aww, that is so sweet, I'll be sure to tell him you were thinking of him when you died.

Yeah, well you get the idea. Crushed it, literal mic drop.

Kai

Vampire Diaries Quotes

Dear Diary, a chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe. That lie, will haunt me, forever.

Damon

Well, Damon's alive, as you can see. Bonnie and Enzo are late and Stefan's dead. Merry Christmas. I've got gifts.

Caroline [to Matt]