Betty: Besides, we get to meet all of our family members and practice our Spanish. "Hola comi a tu sobrina."
Ignacio: You just said "I ate your niece."

Amanda: Shh. We'll get caught.
Marc: Please, if anybody hears us, they'll just think it's Christina stumbling around blind drunk, crying and making out with a mannequin.
Amanda: Again.

Open your eyes people. He's as straight as the crease on an old man's jeans

Marc [about Tavares]

Hitman: ...because once you get off this elevator you'll never see me again
[Alexis is about to get off elevator and sees Daniel and Jordan kissing, gets back on]
Alexis: Okay, I don't see you again after the lobby

Amanda: He's not gay!
Marc: OMG. He's pretending to be gay? Well that's a new twist on an old standard.

Marc: You're in love with a gay man. It's like you and me all over again.
Amanda: I was never in love with you.
Marc: Oh, are you kidding? When we first met you couldn't keep your eyes off of me.
Amanda: Okay, that was before you got your veneers. You had that dark tooth, I couldn't look away.
Marc: Big Head!
Amanda: Dark Tooth!
Marc: Nicole Bitchie!
Amanda: Nelly Ripa!

Marc: He's mean gay
Amanda: So what? You're a mean gay too
Marc: Yes, but not to you
Amanda: Um yesterday you told me my head was too big for my neck
Marc: That's was constructive criticism..
Amanda: What am I supposed to do about it
Marc: As a friend, my job is only to point things out

Marc: But just so you know, I'll be bringing my own hag.
[Marc sees Christina]
Marc: or should I say haggis. Polish off your best kilt, C, we're going to a party!
Christina: Oh, sod off.
Marc: We're still finding our rhythm.

Of course, Tavares. Clearly you replaced me with that African queen, I'm yestergay's news


Betty: She wants me to fill out mom's side of the tree
Hilda: ...and you can climb it with those toenails

Hilda [translating Curandera's fortune]: ...and the answer is behind the tree
Betty: What does that mean?
Hilda: It means the woman is nuts. A minute ago she was eating a candle.
Hilda [to Curandera]: Thank you, gracias, goodbye Mrs Crazy

Jordan: Hello Alex.
Alexis: Jordan.
Jordan: You look different. New haircut?

Ugly Betty Season 1 Episode 22 Quotes

Daniel: You're not the only one in charge.
Alexis: I'm the only one in charge whose pupils aren't the size of quarters.

Doesn't anyone care that I am understudying the lead in West Side Story? God forbid Joey Colano takes ill and I don't know my finger snaps for the rumble.