I know why you're here now, to stop me from slipping down that slope. Please Wilfred, I need you to pull me back up.


Now you'll know what to do if anything happens to me.

You're not me. You're a good person. And you're a person.

I hope you're proud of yourself Ryan. I'm gonna be up all night licking Jenna's tears. Do you know what all that sodium's gonna do to my blood pressure?

Mr. Patel: Do you like seeing dead, decaying animals where ever you go?
Wilfred: Holy shit! Is this India place real?

I don't know what you're up to Ryan, but I've got my nose and ears on you...and my eyes too, I guess, but frankly my vision's pretty shitty.

Jenna's not a meat-lover's pizza I can have delivered in 30 minutes or less. Hey! You know what sounds good right now? Chinese.

Come on Ryan! These are big existential questions, best left for boring Russian novelists and teenagers on acid. Real people don't think about this shit!

Wilfred: Ignorance is 9/10 of the law.
Ryan: That's possession.
Wilfred: She wasn't charged with possession Ryan. I thought you were a good lawyer.

After I'm gone I don't want you and Bear fighting over my shit...or any of my other stuff.

Ryan I've always had your best interest at heart, and I've never asked for anything in return...except for a bunch of stuff.

What? You think you can do better than undies on the face?

Wilfred Season 1 Quotes

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

Ryan: Get off.
Wilfred: I'm trying to!