David: What happened? Who died? Johnny: Who died? David: Did Patrick die? Alexis: No, Patrick didn't die, David. David: Then why did you startle me awake like this? My mind went straight to some unthinkable tragedy, like something really really bad happened. Johnny: Oh, imagine. Moira: Well, the day did have a slight segultis. David: What is she talking about? Moira: A hiccup. David: What hiccup, who's hiccuping? Alexis: Ok, David shush for a minute. There was a big storm last night, and things got a bit wet. David: How wet? Johnny: We've been looking into changing venues. David: Oh my god. To where? Bob's Garage? Moira: Um, no, his roof was no match for the cumulous clouds. David: I've woken up in a Black Mirror episode. Alexis: This might be a stupid question because there's like literally nothing you can do about it, but why didn't you guys get a tent? Johnny: Not helping, Alexis. David: Because I wanted the wood fire pizza over and we couldn't afford both. Someone has to call the officiant. He's on his way from Elm Dale. What happened to Fabian? Johnny: He canceled because of the rain. Moira: What kind of an adult man rides a penny far thing?
Patrick: Wow, that massage really did a number, huh? David: Ya, that was the first time I have ever received a happy ending. Patrick: Sorry, what did you just say? Patrick: The happy ending that the masseur gave me. I've always heard about things like that, but it's never actually happened. Did you have to pay extra for that? Patrick: I didn't pay for a happy ending. I paid for a massage. He gave you a happy ending? On our wedding day? David: I thought you wanted that. Stevie: See, this is what Ray should be filming. Patrick: Why would I want you to get a happy ending from a stranger on our wedding day, David. David: You tell me! Because I was stressed out and you told me you wanted to distress me. I just assumed you knew what you were paying for. I was both shocked and impressed. Stevie: Okay, but to be clear, you didn't stop it from happening? David: Okay, Marcia Clark. Court's adjourned for the day. Patrick: This is unbelievable. At no point was that ever discussed. All I did was leave an envelope full of cash and a note that said to take very good care of you. And now that I've said those words out loud, I can see how a certain kind of person would interpret that the wrong way. Stevie: Okay, but was it good at least? Patrick: Do not answer that. Was it? Don't.