A couple is getting high in the woods in Washington or Oregon. Breathing gold spray paint. They hear screaming as they talk about being a werewolf when a lizard like creature comes running in their direction, screaming with his arms up. They go toward a park ranger. Is he OK, dude? Another dead dude lays beside him. Huff.

Mulder is throwing pencils into his I Want to Believe poster. He's sad so much of the unexplained has been explained since they've been gone. He thinks maybe it's time to put away childish things, sasquatches, jackalopes and mothmans. Scully shares her good news. They have a monster case.

Mulder is ready to write it off as a bear. Or wolves. Anything. He's gone dark, our Mulder.

Meanwhile, the were-monster is killing. Scully and Mulder are questioning someone who was just attacked. The thing that attacked her had horns in the back and was wearing tighty whities. They walk off toward the brush and find the animal control officer and a fresh kill. Mulder is using a new camera app, flashing like crazy. It's hilarious. Fresh X-Files have technical difficulties. The monster is running around, apparently straight into the shitter. Where a man sits and Mulder snaps his photo. He has horns in the back of his head which retreat when he does.

Mulder finally gets his excitement back, courtesy of his camera and the internet. They're both having a great time.

In the hotel, Mulder hears screaming and goes to investigate. The motel manager says he's sorry. He did scream monster, but it wasn't about a real monster, just motel business. That doesn't stop Mulder from snooping. There is a stuffed head on the wall covering a hole that leads to a secret passage. Fun!

Mulder finds Scully's room then pays the manager another visit through the passageway. It's a security feature he had put in after 9/11. Haha. He gets the manager to talk. What kind of undies does Mulder wear? Red speedos.

The man from the loo is screaming at the mirror, he doesn't want to look at himself anymore, the clock won't wake him up again. Please let it be the last time! Then he sees the head on the wall move. Mulder puts his story together.

Mulder then carries on a conversation with Scully (himself) while she just sits there and and lets him babble. It's awesome. Yeah, this is how she likes her Mulder.

Mulder is visiting with an old dude who shares a story about monsters residing within. At the end of the conversation, the dude gives Mulder an antipsychotic.

Scully finds the horny toad lizard man at the phone store. Scully got the blood test results, and there are some discrepancies. He's already hung up. She goes in to ask questions. By the time Mulder gets there, Scully is in the middle of a wrecked store. WTH Scully! Off goes Mulder in his Ford (which bothers some people).

Mulder finds the fellow in the cemetery. Mulder puts flowers from someone else's grave onto Kim Manner's grave. Great tribute. Jack Hardy's is next to his. The guy starts talking. He never knew he could die, or he instinctively knew to avoid death. The guy tries to get Mulder to kill him via the green glass appendix trick the old dude told him. Mulder wants to hear the whole story before he'll kill him, though.

He was just hanging in the forest when the animal control officer bit him in the neck. He didn't even get a chance to shoot blood out of his eyeballs. He transformed the next morning. He heard a voice in his head. He became conscious of his own self consciousness. He was naked and overcome by an irrational need to cover up. He had never worn clothes, but knew how to put them on. He had to go on a hunt and find a job. Rather tragically, he found something right away. He had no idea what he was saying and neither did his customers. As you can tell by the shape of it, it's rather rectangular. He was eating burgers and watching porn when he turned to himself again. Until morning. NOOOOO.

The way he remembered his quitting and stuff was a little different. He has the human element down to a T. A few moments of happiness surrounded by crushing grief. Scully gets captured by the animal control guy. Now she won't believe Mulder about the lizard man!

Scully decides to take a puppy home. Good girl!

Mulder goes to find Guy. He's getting naked, going back into the woods. Mulder thinks it's a little bit absurd. It's his time to go into hibernation. He hopes he won't turn into a human again while it happens. When Mulder shakes Guy's hand to say goodbye, Guy transforms and runs off into the woods.