Family Guy Season 13 Episode 6 Review: The 2000 Year Old Virgin

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On Family Guy Season 13 Episode 6, Jesus takes the archetype of Steve Carell's 40-year old virgin to a whole new level (which is even more ironic if you consider Carell's role in Evan Almighty). 

After some time apart, Peter and Jesus finally reunite as Peter contemplates buying a vibrating massage chair at Brookstone. Peter was initially taken aback when Jesus revealed his modest plans for Christmas:

Peter: Oh look Jesus, you shouldn't be alone during Christmas. And if I remember correctly, isn't your birthday sometime soon too?
Jesus: Ah whatever, I'm fine. I'll probably just reheat some ramen and watch Grey's Anatomy.

His interest in offering his old pal Jesus some company for the holidays probably came from a innocent place of compassion, as per the norm for Peter Griffin. The same is probably true for the proceeding birthday party he throws for the son of God, and his following attempts at getting the man laid. His intentions are always good, but more often than not, Peter comes on a little too strong.

Jesus's charade was too transparent and quickly dismantled by Quagmire. 

Jesus: Uh hot ladies. Horny ones. Who, uh, sex on you.
Quagmire: What?
Jesus: Yeah, you know, they come back to your house and sit on your butt.

The gang offered to help Jesus finally get laid, with Peter taking the charge. Jesus's first attempt at speed dating was messy. The series of events surrounding the experiment were composed as a hilarious rapid fire of one-liners that got Jesus immediate buzzers from the women he was talking to. Amongst the stretch of one-liners, was this gem:

Are you okay with someone who wanders the desert lecturing people on how to act?


Lois offers a counterpoint to Peter's assertion of masculinity and faux sexual prowess, by preaching sage-like advice about the complexities of intimacy. She warns Peter that Jesus may not want a one night stand, but Peter's woeful ignorance is too dense. 

Her advice and personality make it easy for Jesus to fall for her, and when he warms up to Lois, he decides to ask Peter for permission to sleep with his wife. He finally gets the go ahead after he offers Peter chance to ask for anything in the universe.

I can't be the only one that thinks Peter might have wasted this wish:

Peter: Like, anything in the universe?
Jesus: Anything.
Peter: Brookstone massage chair.
Jesus: Are you sure?
Peter: Never been more sure about anything in my life.

Peter's mid-episode plea to the "millions" of offended Christians to write to the Family Television Counsel was great in it's self-awareness. Seth McFarlene's been known to state that religious topics on the show get the most flack. Peter's tangent to get rid of any evidence of underage porn on his laptop was also amusing, as well as being pretty controversial content-wise. 

Peter Griffin manages to salvages his marriage through a last minute guilt trip and change of heart, which was fueled by the revelation that Jesus is simply a con man screwing housewives yearly. His epic toboggan expedition to Jesus' house was heroic, until he ran out of hill.

Fortunately, Lois cared for her marriage too much to go through with the experience. In the end, Lois might believe that Jesus's scam was simply a divine test, but I have to commend the man for his conviction. 

The few moments with the rest of the family were humorous as well, with this standout interaction between Stewie and Brain:

Stewie: Boy this must be killing you. You're an atheist, and the one guy you don't believe in is getting to bang the woman of your dreams.
Brain: I don't have to take this! I'm out of here. Can you let me out?

Tonight episode was entertaining, and timely, with McFarlene & co. looking to stir up some innocent trouble within certain religious communities in time for the holidays. Watch Family Guy online and head to the Family Guy quotes  page to relive any of your favorite moments from tonight episode - featuring the supposed 2,000 year old virgin, Jesus Christ.

The 2000 Year Old Virgin Review

Editor Rating: 3.8 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 3.3 / 5.0 (43 Votes)
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