Jack: So, you’re mad at me for calling the cops?
Dre: Look, I should have made it clear to you that we are not just homeowners. We are black homeowners and because we are black homeowners we have to look at things through kind of a dual lens. We need to think about every situation and how it should go normally and how it could go because we are black.
Jack: Like being asked to sit on the curb while they checked your ID. They didn’t ask any of the white people to do that.
Pops: It is different for us baby boy.

Bow: Diane has been trying to get in touch with you.
Zoey: Oh, I was going to call her back.
Bow: Do you understand what happened tonight? Wyatt canceled. He canceled ice cream with Diane.
Zoey: Ok. It is not that big of a deal. I figured she had it handled.
Bow: She chose you to be there for her, and you promised that you would be.
Zoey: You’re just coming down on me because she wants my help and not yours.
Bow: Ok, I get that you are in college now Zoey. You can stop by the house to pick up your clothes and drop your little smart-ass comments whenever you want. Fine! But you cannot fly in and out of your sister’s life. Do you hear me? She is 13-years-old, and that was her first date. Zoey, you have a responsibility to be there for her and to treat her better than some skirt that you just left behind.

Jack: What are you doing?
Dre: Can you believe how far this Airbnb lady parked her car in the street? It has got to be over 3 feet from the curb. Hey, you want to help me measure it before I call it into the police?
Jack: Woah, I thought Johnson’s don’t snitch?
Dre: Don’t be ignorant. It is not snitching when you are a homeowner.
Jack: Oh, ok cool.

Janine: The Kelly’s really screwed us when they decided to rent out their house. I mean these people leave pizza boxes on the lawn, and they park in front of my driveway. Last weekend there was a party, I found human poo in my garden.
Dre: It could have been animal.
Janine laughing: Oh Dre! I think I know the difference.
Dre: I can’t believe I am agreeing with you, but this does need to be handled.
Janine: That is why I am talking to all the neighbors, and we are going to call the police.
Dre: Nope. Good luck with your white people fight. Keep my name out of it.

Dre: I have been thinking, and you can stay here until you go back to school.
Junior: No. You were right. If I am going to do this, then I have to take responsibility for my actions, because I am a man.
Dre: Ok, ok, ok. Son, I want you to stay. If you have some things you need to work out, I would rather you do it here.
Bow: Right here.
Junior: You know what, I don't even know if I am comfortable here dad. Your words hurt.
Dre: They were supposed to! Son, I am sorry I hurt you, but I really want you to stay.
Junior: I still don't know.
Bow: Oh please, we are begging you!
Junior: I don't know if he is.
Dre: I am not begging you.
Junior: When you showed me those numbers, the thing you charged me the most for was your time.
Dre: I am an important man!
Bow: Dre, please!
Dre: Junior, please stay. I beg you.
Junior: You had me at Junior.

Dre: What if he never goes back Bow? I don't know where I would have been without college. When I was a kid walking through my neighborhood, the only jobs I thought you could have were a postman, a barber or a bus driver. All of them are good, but college taught me the world was bigger than my block.
Pops: He knows that dummy! Look the boy grew up different from how you did. Just like you grew up different from how I did, and now he is traveling down a road you ain't never been on before. You ought to be glad Junior has the opportunity to do it his way.
Bow: My brother and sister did it their way, and they are still spinning. I don't want that for Junior. You guys he is a scared kid, and I am just trying to protect him from making a bad decision.
Pops: Here's what I know. Your scared kid was brave enough to sit with you and be honest about feeling a little bit lost. And Dre, he stood up to you just now when you tried to bully him. I think that the strong, honest young man you both raised has earned a little bit of trust.
Bow: Are you saying you agree with the gap year?
Pops: Hell, no, that is still some white shit, but you owe it to him to see this through.
Dre: I guess he is right.

Dre: What do you mean there is no plan?
Bow: Junior has no plan.
Dre: I will tell you what the plan is. He is taking his ass back to college!
Bow: Damn Skippy he is! How do you think this looks? I am Dr. Rainbow Johnson.
Dre: Yes, you are!
Bow: I went to Brown University. I went to USC Medical School. People know my name. I have a reputation to uphold. My kids go to college!
Dre: Yeah, they do! Wait a minute, even Jack?

Bow: What are you doing home?
Dre: How the hell did you get home?
Junior: I used the emergency credit card to book a flight.
Bow: What is the emergency?
Junior: I wasn't really feeling college right now.
Bow: What the…?
Zoey: Not to brag, but I predicted this on Twitter three days ago. I'm a prophet.

Rainbow: But if you were to have a heart attack, he would give a great speech and I would keep you alive. I just don't understand why we're called the same thing.
Dre: Wow, I really don't like this side of you, so I'm tapping out.
Rainbow: Well go ahead and tap out, but if you slip and fall, I'll just have to find you a PhD to help you.

Dre: Charlie, are you wearing dress slacks?
Charlie: Don't worry about it, I'm going to tuck them into my socks. Oh man, I forgot socks. Sometimes when I'm talking to the Lord I lose track of things.

Dre: I was beginning to think I'd never see you again. I almost forgot what your face looked like.
Rainbow: It's been twelve minutes.

Dre: There are certain trailblazing cultural icons that every black person should know: Obama, Tupac, Dave Chappelle. Hell I'd say Dr. King's near the top of that list wouldn't you?
Rainbow: Maybe even above Dave Chappelle.

black-ish Quotes

This ain't our culture, we're black, not African. Africans don't even like us.


Wait, did they just put me in charge of the black stuff?