Scrubs Season 5 Episode 14: "My Own Personal Hell" Quotes
Turk: (To someone off camera) Alright, look. I know I said I wanted to go by myself to get tested today. But I've been doing some thinking andI'm scared. So it would mean a lot if you went with me.
J.D.: Of course, buddy.
(At a sterility clinic) Excuse me, are any of the reading materials in there available for those of us out here?
J.D.
(Over walkie-talkie) J.D., this isblack surgeon that you're always hanging out with. Come on outside to the ramp, dawg.
Janitor
Lisa: Dr. Reid, we think it is lame that you give Keith preferential treatment. We're filing a complaint with Dr. Kelso.
Elliot: Oh, ok sure well you know what? You guys can tell Dr. Kelso whatever you want cause all he's gonna hear are the facts. I'm sleeping with Keith, he gets his schedule shifted and he gets the most interesting cases. Who wants 20 bucks? (The interns raise their hands) Well, that's not gonna work. I don't have that much money.
(Talking about their respective men)
Elliot: They are three manly men.
Jordan: Perry gets his chest waxed.
Elliot: Keith loves to knit throw pillows.
Carla: Turk might be sterile.
Jordan: We have a winner.
J.D.: ...you just gave me some good advice about how to deal about Elliot. Coocheecoochee coo!
Dr. Kelso: Can I fire him?
Dr. Cox: Sleep on it.
Turk: You know I'm not comfortable getting busy with myself?
J.D.: Well, you are in luck. This happens to be my specialty. Here is a tip: If you can't get over the fact that you are doing it to yourself, sit on your arm until it falls asleep then pull it out and use that. I call it "The Stranger".
Turk: If I ever have kids, you are NEVER allowed to baby-sit them.
J.D.: I'm having a rough morning Brown Bear. How are you doing with your sterility?
Turk: Ahh... I can't really talk about that right now. I'm in an elevator.
J.D.: Not reading you Brown Bear. I repeat, are you still sterile?!
Laverne: This is so juicy that I feel dizzy.
Turk: I may be sterile.
Carla: Oh honey, stay calm. Nobody knows but us.
J.D.: (Over watchie-talkie) You firing blanks, buddy?
Dr. Cox: Why me?
Dr. Kelso: I know it's a minor condition Perry but you know how things can turn.
Dr. Cox: Why? You wanted me in there because I'm the best...what Bob?
Dr. Kelso: No!
Dr. Cox: Tell me Bob, or I'll go in there and tell her you're dying to be with her a lot more often.
Dr. Kelso: (Babbling) A shabble adi frabble.
Dr. Cox: Beg you pardon?
Dr. Kelso: You're the best Doctor.
Dr. Cox: (Moved to tears) Thank you Bob, means a lot to me!
As a doctor, I rarely root for the disease, but with you I find myself cheering, "Go hypercalcemia with underlying MEN syndrome. Go, go, go, go!"
Dr. Cox
Carla: I can't do that. Turk is very sensitive about his masculinity. You remember what happened when I told him his backpack looked like a purse.
Flashback...
Carla: I'm sorry, Turk. I didn't mean it!
Turk: I AM A MAN!!!! A MAN DOESN'T WEAR A PURSE!!!!
