The Office Season 5 Episode 5: "Crime Aid" Quotes
Roy: What's going on with Pam?
Jim: Oh, she's good actually.
Roy: Yeah?
Jim: She's, um, she's in New York. She's at an art school.
Roy: Really?
Jim: Yeah, she's doing really well.
Roy: Huh.
Jim: She's engaged, um... to me.
Roy: Congrats, man.
Jim: Oh, thanks man. Appreciate that.
Roy: So Pam's happy?
Jim: Yeah, I'd say she's happy. I mean, she loves her classes. Loves the city. I mean, last night, she was out with her friends, 'til, like, 8:00 a.m.
Roy: Wow.
Jim: What?
Roy: I thought you were a friend.
Roy: Halpert?
Darryl: What's up, Roy?
Jim: Hey man.
Roy: I'm not gonna hit you or anything.
Jim: Oh, I wouldn't ...
Roy: You good?
Jim: I'm good. How you doing?
Roy: I'm good.
Jim: Yeah, okay.
Roy: Hey Darryl, what's happenin'?
Darryl: Oh, what's up, Roy?
Roy: Hey, what's up, guys? How you been?
Michael: Um, so, Darryl, and the boys in the hood in the warehouse, have graciously donated to, uh, go out for a beer with them right now. You know what, I'm actually going to bid on this. I'm going to start the bidding, because this is something that I have dreamt of-
Darryl: Mike, you can't do that. It's conflict of interest.
Jim: Five dollars.
Darryl: Sold! To Jim.
Michael: Okay. Okay, sold! Have fun, you guys. Well, this next item is sure to spring steam from your ears if you don't win it. It just says "Creed."
Creed: Yeah, that's all-inclusive.
Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News. One was Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. And my personal favorite, Short People.
Darryl
Pump it up! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [Huey Lewis' "Heart of Rock and Roll" plays] Pump up the volume. Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you, Mr. Springsteen. And welcome to C.R.I.M.E.-A.I.D. Crime Reduces Innocence Makes Everyone Angry I Declare. It is not known how many office robberies occur every second because there is no Wikipedia entry for office robbery statistics. However, tonight, its victims, are standing together and standing strong in the form of song, cooking lessons, and hugs. Really Phyllis? You're auctioning a hug? Okay, so... ["Heart of Rock and Roll" plays again]
Michael
To recoup their losses, I am planning a little charity auction, where people from all over Scranton can come and bid on our goods and services. I'm calling it crime-aid. It's like farm aid, but instead of farms fighting against AIDS, it is us fighting against our own poverty.
Michael
Michael: Oh, my God, what happened?
Jim: We were robbed last night.
Dwight: Bravo, Watson. Looks like a classic seven-man job. Okay, security tapes were stolen, Motives - financial, or possible, vintage HP computer collectors. Hank down at security had clocked out. And that's all we have.
Angela: Yes, that's correct. I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,000.
Oscar: Great, they stole my laptop.
Kevin: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar: How does that even compare?
Kevin: Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.
Phyllis: Hi.
Dwight: She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism, presents on your birthday, preventative medicine.
Phyllis: It's nice to learn new things.
Dwight: I was talking to myself.
Phyllis: Okay.
Dwight: I just don't get it.
Phyllis: What don't you get?
Dwight: Why is she marrying Andy?
Phyllis: Angela's not really a risk taker. And Andy's not really a risk.
Dwight: That's really fattening.
Phyllis: No, it's lettuce.
Michael: Hey.
Holly: Hello.
Michael: That was really fun last night.
Holly: Yeah, it was nice.
Michael: I'm actually thinking about getting my own set of putt-putt golf clubs.
Holly: Oh, that would be great. You need that.
Michael: Yeah?
Holly: Yeah.
Michael: Oh really?
Holly: Yeah.
Michael: Well...
Holly: It would help.
New York, as it turns out, is very expensive, and I ran out of money. I thought about selling a kidney, but Michael offered to get me a part-time job at corporate.
Pam
Creed: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name: Creed Bratton.