Scrubs Season 4 Episode 9: "My Malpractical Decision" Quotes
Elliot: Carla, when I became chief resident, I wrote a pledge to myself. And do you know what it said?
Carla: Mm-mm?
Elliot: It said "Dance like nobody is watching." Which I do, constantly - in my living room, with the shades closed just in case somebody is watching. But it also said not to hide problems away.
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give this to someone, or if I took this from someone, but...I got a bag of blood.
Doug
J.D.: I'll take the lead on this one.
Dr. Cox: It's all yours.
J.D.: Mr. Steel. First name, Man of...
Dr. Cox: You're done.
Turk: J.D., big news! Guess what my new cell phone number spells!
J.D.: Why'd you get a new cell phone number? Your old number spelled "kufunninapuh."
Turk: Yeah, well this one's 916-CALL-TURK. Yeah, so now all you gotta do is call Turk!
J.D.: How'm I supposed to remember that? I'm begging you, stick with "kufunninapuh"!
Turk: Come on, man, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me besides getting married.
J.D.: She's not here.
Turk: It's the best thing that's ever happened to me!
J.D.'s Narration: Everybody around here had the sense to stay under the radar when Neena Broderick was around. Well, almost everybody.
Dr. Cox: I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I need to find a black-haired, soulless bottom-feeder. Oh, hi Neena.
Neena: How ironic. Because what I need is a burned-out, permed-up doctor with a god-complex and a drinking problem.
J.D.: Don't listen to her. Most guys would kill for those curls.
Dr. Cox: Straighten up, Newbie, and I mean that in every sense of the word. This woman is pure molten evil.
Dr. Kelso: Shore it up, people. Neena Broderick's in the building.
Ted: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
J.D.'s Narration: As tactless as it was to yell that in a room of very sick people, Ted had a point.
Doug: Hey, J.D. Just preppin' Mr. Hovey for brain surgery.
J.D.: Doug, Mr. Hovey's having rotator cuff surgery.
Mr. Hovey: What'd you do to my hair?
Doug: Nothing!
I know what a restraining order is! You act like I've never dated.
Mr. Coreman
Coroner: I cannot figure out how this guy died...
Doug: I'm betting he took a paracentesis needle to the aorta.
Coroner: Have you seen this before?!
Doug: Seen it? Upstairs they call that a 'Doug'!
Can I ask you a personal question? Just how long has it been since you swept the stuffed animals off of your bed, thrown your ankles up in the air and thanked whatever god you pray to that you didn't have on your granny panties?
Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Who taught you this crap?
J.D.'s Narration: It's nice to have the right answer to a tough question.
J.D.: You did.
Dr. Cox: ...Oh.
Cal Turk here. We don't sell insurance, we sell peace of mind. But only to white people (winks). Would you like some milk?
Cal Turk
