Scrubs Season 3 Episode 3: "My White Whale" Quotes
Elliot: So, how are your interns doing?
Doug: Hey, yeah, it still burns a little, but at least I can hear okay.
Jordan: Carla?
Carla: Hm?
Jordan: You're one of them bossy-pants types who always tells people their problems whether they ask for it or not, right?
Carla: I like to think I've learned when to hold back.
Jordan: You're in.
Carla: You've totally lost sight of what's important, here. You are a parent now, okay? You don't come first anymore-
Jordan: No.
Carla: You've got to do what's best for your son, even if it means sucking up to the one doctor on earth who's more obnoxious than you are.
Jordan: Well...
Carla: Oh, my God. I loved doing that so much, it makes my hand shake a little!
Dr. Cox: Mmmmgh! Norris hasn't budged, and he just moved the appointment back to six, the rat-bastard!
Jordan: Watch your language in front of the kid, you stupid bicky-bicky!... You see, I am adapting. You, on the other hand, are behaving like a complete lunatic.
You be nice to the teacher, okay? I'm sleeping with him... Oh, my God! I haven't said that since college!
Elliot
Elliot: The kid's a good doctor, he just... falls apart every time Kelso looks over his shoulder.
Sean: Well, why don't you just tell Kelso to back off?
Elliot: I-I've taken a lot of positive steps this year but when it comes to standing up to Kelso, I just... I can't get over that hump yet. He's like my white whale.
Sean: Yeah... Mine's Frank.
Elliot: Oh, no, I meant like in 'Moby Dick' - Kelso is a giant pain in my ass.
Sean: Oh. Well, thing is, I love Frank. Just... he can drive me crazy every now and then.
Dr. Cox: Hello, David. I've been expecting you.
Dr. Norris: Agh!
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I just thought I'd come by and play with some of your stuffed animals and, I know, I know, they're "for the kids", heh. Also, wanted to let you know that I will be bringing my son by this morning.
Dr. Norris: Yeah, I don't think so, there, chief. Where's Mr. Cookiepants?
Dr. Cox: Oh, que pasa?
Dr. Norris: I said, Where's Mr. Cookiepants!?
Dr. Cox: He's in a safe place, Dave.
Dr. Norris: If you touch one hair on his head, I swear to God I'll inject your kid with chickenpox!
Dr. Cox: No, you won't.
Dr. Norris: I know. For God's sakes, it's an innocent doll!
Dr. Cox: No, David. It's a collectible.
Dr. Norris: Whatever.
Dr. Norris: Is his temperature under a hundred-point-five?
Dr. Cox: Barely.
Dr. Norris: Eating, peeing, pooing?
Dr. Cox: Sometimes all at the same time. Come on, it's a really persistent cough. What do you say?
Dr. Norris: Office hours, tomorrow, 5 o'clock. Bye-bye.
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and put this in a language that you can understand. (puppet voice) You had better see my son now, or I'm gonna kick your ass.
You know, Benjamin, it's not a bad thing that you play with it, it's just that your mom wants you to take breaks for meals!
Dr. Norris
Janitor: What the? Maybe I diluted this too much.
The Janitor brushes the moistened rag against Doug's ear and a sizzling sound occurs.
Doug: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Janitor: Eh, can't blame the cleanser.
J.D.: Brian? You know how to place an NG tube, don't you?
Brian: You did it for me both times.
J.D.: Jimmy, didn't you do one yesterday?
Jimmy: No, you let me go home 'cause I forgot to set my TiVo for the Styx 'Behind the Music'?
J.D.: Do not miss that! It's awesome!
Bruce! This is gonna be your third Foley cath. in a row! You can do this. You didn't need to page me seventeen times between the time I bought the rum-raisin muffin and then... threw it away because alcoholism runs in my family.
Elliot
J.D.: Hey, Carla? Hey... I had to redo the NG tube one of your nurses put on Mrs. Hemmel, so if you could spread the word to leave that to me and my guys, it would be great.
Carla: Oh, no problem, Bambi. Oh! But the reason my nurses had to do that is because none of your interns know how. So if you keep flapping your mouth without knowing all the facts, I'm gonna see if I can fit my foot in it!
J.D.: Okay. Good talk!
